I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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