I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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