That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
