So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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