I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
a search helicopter?!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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