so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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