the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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