bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
