You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
