My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
