I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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