i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I party with great urgency now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
