I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
