Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
