I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
