That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was not drunk enough for that final.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
