My first STD was from a foam party
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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