I wanna bring you to show and tell
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
