so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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