the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my being single is dangerous.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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