you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
