I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
