you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
