New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
