nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
