my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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