Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
