Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
