I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
did you just send me my own nude
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
