I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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