First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
