i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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