I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
