so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
