My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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