Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
