mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need to sanitize my soul.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
