she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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