When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
