booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
