He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
