Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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