You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
