Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
