After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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