eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
