So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
