Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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