his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
