I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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