don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
