If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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