I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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