The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
