the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
