I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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