You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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