my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
