i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
