Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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