i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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