Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
