dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
