It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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