I didn't shave. On purpose
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
